here I am

Last night I had this dream. One particular scene woke me up before the alarm (!!) and made me contemplate my existence and whether I should get up and smoke a cigarette at the window before going forth to contemplate my existence even further.

tired but satisfied

It was dark and snowy, and my mother and I were walking along a narrow road, rounding a corner where there was a very steep incline on the right side of the road with lots of tree and brush and a couple of houses also. We could see the end of that road, it turned left again about 200 m further down.Then there was a car. It speeded through the snow, how that was possible I have no idea, it was one of those phenomenons you only get in dreams, when things happen with complete self-evidence you could hardly imagine in real life. Around the corner, towards the next in just a split second, but then somehow missed that turn and crashed into the house on the corner with such force that the car or the driver or both started tumbling down the slope with this now strangely horrific tranquility, over and around the trees.

My mother and I watched and, even though it all happened so fast, it had been painfully obvious that the driver, now clearly the only figure tumbling ever onwards would somehow end up tangled up in something or other and be thrust into a noose to hang from the only tree we could see without any impairment whatsoever from the place we were standing.

I started to stumble and the last mental picture I had was of bluish, dark and glistening snow and my own shocked scream.

Funnily enough, the picture I took yesterday (today at 4 a.m. that is) before going to bed, happy with the day’s work and looking forward to REALLY AND TRULY launching this little baby of mine today reflects that haunting dream quite accurately. Why I am stating this now I do not know.

But enough (melo-)drama – I am very proud to present to you the anchovist’s new home! Anchovist being a pseudonym I dropped about 2 months after adopting it. But hey. We all have phases, some morph into permanent states of being… and others don’t.

I started this whole redesign thing because I was unhappy with just about everything back there, from the words I was putting there to the pictures, to the ever larger growing intervals between each post to how I couldn’t seem to make it look even close to how I thought it should look in correspondence to the content that should be found there but just wasn’t coming. So, true to what this guy says about what changing your body also does to your inner well-being, I finally took on the task of making this here blog my very own, including all the downsides involved (mainly the extremely headache-invoking coding part).

Lo and behold, last week, entering the final stages of the process, I started writing again like mad. Perhaps because I was spending too much time with myself yet again at ungodly hours and needed to channel all that shit crammed in my mind into words that people may not read, but were then at least somewhere out there, just not in my packed and all-over-the-place head.

(I will still be changing small things here and there, mainly the whole blog’s organisation, I’ll be opening up new categories and updating link colours and adding links to nifty artists, thinkers and other things and fiddling around on the about page and -)

So here I am now, I’ve achieved most of what I set out to do, and that’s perfectly fine, more than that actually, now I need to get it out into the open, maybe wash up, clean up my flat, take a shower, scrub the kitchen floor and, come to think of it, the remaining floor too, and go grocery shopping and drink the pitiful rest of wine I have left and continue listening to The King of Limbs on loop…

Launch party! Tomorrow. Or the day after..

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