morphing into an owl person

Yes, owl person as in night active (I know, you wouldn’t have guessed).

My prime time starts at nine thirty (-ish) p.m. Then I start working. The ideas start flowing. My head overflows. The ashtray fills itself up. No idea how it does that. Then it, too, overflows. As does the pot in which I am, once again, cooking my lentils. I forget about them and then my stove is ruined. Until I clean it up. Then I cook more lentils.

Sometimes my computer decides it doesn’t like me anymore (I’m not all too sure it ever liked me at all) and makes me re-do everything I’ve done until that point. Which isn’t that bad, because usually what happens after that is way better than what I started with in the first place – see post coming up after this one – the one in which I make the connection between my eighth grade Russian teacher and a chair in a university hallway. With an ever-so-small excursion into the theory and practice of being a violist.

Until then, observe my laundry beckoning.

look at that. laundry.


illusion in an espresso maker and the end of time

can't see the water

and yes, that makes sense to me.

Because I was absentmindedly staring at the part you usually stick the coffee in – if you’re not me and the floor and the stove isn’t strewn with ground coffee when you’ve managed to fill it to the top (not pressing it in there, mind you) – as I was letting it soak in the sink and, for a few seconds, wasn’t entirely sure if it was filled with water like the rest of the sink and everything in it was.

Oh my goodness, was it full of water or was it not? so gripping>>

daily lentil kick-off – tranches de magret de canard

lentil puree w/ duck and rocket

New category. See? The Daily Lentil. Because I eat lentils… daily. Because I am a Slow Carb convert. Because in January I found myself in the (typical for an art student?) situation of having next to no money to feed myself and the all the visitors I had at the end of the month and then throughout pretty much all of February. So I fed myself with lentils. click here for more, will ya!

here I am

Last night I had this dream. One particular scene woke me up before the alarm (!!) and made me contemplate my existence and whether I should get up and smoke a cigarette at the window before going forth to contemplate my existence even further.

tired but satisfied

It was dark and snowy, and my mother and I were walking along a narrow road, rounding a corner where there was a very steep incline on the right side of the road with lots of tree and brush and a couple of houses also. We could see the end of that road, it turned left again about 200 m further down. …yes, there’s more>>

friday fail II


So I was coming back from the loo and knocked over a wine glass (then I proceeded to give it a new existence by dubbing it the new ashtray). Which wasn’t entirely hard to do as everything and everyone was sitting on the floor and, being drunk, you normally can’t manoeuvre yourself around so many things without running into something at one point till you’ve gotten yourself safely seated in a spot you won’t cause anything to break until you get up again or reach over to light someone’s cigarette or grab their beer or slap their buttocks.

But being me, this isn’t even hard to do in a sober state. Hello fail blog. Now take a look at some pictures I did not take but found sort of amusing the next day:

Go for it>>

a two-day dream


Yesterday was Sunday, but yesterday was also Saturday. Yesterday doesn’t really exist for me in the present, because yesterday I was awake for 32 hours and now it’s all just a dream. I am also in severe need for nicotine though, because I used up all my tobacco on Friday, or rather I gave too much of it away, thus having next to nothing left for myself by Sunday morning as well as no more cash and a mysteriously not functioning bank card.

Read more, though I cannot guarantee you will find the following text understandable, but there are a couple more photos you might want to see>>

this is personal


This is personal. Stop reading here, please.

Thanks. Haha.

So I’m sitting here, having by now downed nearly a complete bag of what we call flips here.
This is, I presume, normally called emotional eating, something I have not done in centuries. Eating something just because it’s there, available, and you don’t necessarily want to eat it, but you want to eat something, you’re not actually hungry, but only eating can satisfy you in that particular moment. Yeah, really forgot what that’s like. Not too bad.
Great, so where am I getting at now? Nowhere, completely pointless, those last sentences.

Why is it that we always seem to lose that drive to stick as much of that junk into our mouth as fast as possible when the bag is not yet empty, when there’s only still this small mound left.. Might be the same phenomenon you can observe when drinking beer from a bottle – nobody wants the last half an inch left in the bottle either. Or we just don’t want to get our hands dirty (I’m back on the chips bag). Well, I don’t mind. Which is how I justify that I did not stop when I observed that that drive was abruptly ceasing to be a drive, but continued through to the very end.

Don’t click here>>

stuff on the floor

that doesn’t belong there. See:


Um, are you noticing something? This is turning into a sort of fail blog, Esther-Clumsy-Edition. (Get it? Esther-Clumsy… Extra-Clumsy… no? Ok, forget it.)

So this was me rushing to empty the espresso maker to make more, MORE, right away, so I don’t fall asleep later as my fellow art and philosophy and other students do our best to let ourselves through the door of two months of lecture-free blissful oblivion. Without the oblivion. Hopefully. Whatever. I don’t know what I’m saying again. And I’m not drunk or anything. Hello caffeine kick.

Have a great weekend!


So whilst writing up that dahhling post about clutzyness and feeling mediocre again last night I had this sudden very overwhelimg urge to just launch the newly refurbished site NOW, and barely withstood the temptation. I am proud to say there are only details left to polish to an extremely glossy finish. For blogs made by moi, at least.

Anyway, here’s a non-sneaky peek:

But alas, there are still a couple of things that do need looking after, er, over, like my fridge, which is fearfully empty yet again.. ah, and wouldn’t it be nice to be able to launch the new site on the 22nd, the day on which, two (!!) years (two exclamation marks, one for each year. Yeah.) ago this here little olde weblog came into full existence.. (meaning: it was there quite a while before, put kind of in hibernation, or still in the womb, waiting to hatch. What the hell, in its litt’o mummy’s womb waiting to be born or in its egg waiting to hatch. Whatever.) Um, pretend those brackets didn’t happen.

What I was meaning to say: This blog will turn two in four days, and on that occasion I am very much looking forward to introducing its new little sister. Its little, immature, green and maybe sometimes kind of rude little GERMAN sister. Because I think that’s what’s been missing. A chance to rant in German. Because it is, after all, my mother tongue and I do speak and think in German more or less all the time lately (sadly? I don’t know). Consequently I also get mad in German. And Laila, who really was my little sister once, will be, and actually is already, the voice I want to give to my anger at whatever big and not so big shit life hurls at me. Because it’s coming steady and fast these days, not even necessarily from “outside”. And it’s what makes life interesting, so hey.

So now I’m stumbling over closing words again because I feel like I should say something like “Hey, I’m looking forward you, new readers I’ll gain instantly when my blog looks exactly the way I want it to!” or “to start something new you first have to finish what you started.. a while ago..” (???)

But yeah. I guess I’ll just leave you with:

See ya. Write ya. Read ya. Hear ya. Soon. Lalala.

back over there

Is this the day? THE day I finally might actually have something to say again, right here, on this blog, not just on facebook and in random texts to people who couldn’t really care less about them?

Yes, my dear readers that probably don’t even exist anymore by this time. I think I might be right. See, I am back in the place I once was, so long ago, in a distant time I wouldn’t have dared to reach back into again during the past few months or even years. The place where everything I did was mediocre and complete and utter meaningless shit. So I thought. And think. The difference is that now, I’m finding it ok. I think I like it, just doing my thing, feeling stupid now and then, specifically when drunk and in the company of philsophy students who are capable of discussing the death of the author at 4 in the morning whilst completely stoned und wrecked in general.


So here I am – yes, the opening word to almost everything I used to have to say here is also back – today I am sharing with you the product of this morning’s clutzyness on behalf of being sort of messed up, not in the mood for showering and much less for attending the very last painting seminar of the semester of which I attended one single meeting since winter break…

Read/See/Experience MORE>>